First-born daughters are often people pleasers. Our parents were growing up alongside us, learning how to manage their emotions while trying to guide another human. As we grew older, we learned that as long as the adults around us were happy, we would be safe(er) and had a chance at our own happiness. For me, the lines blurred between what made others happy, and what brought me happiness. As a result, I never learned how to set boundaries, or even know when they are needed. However, reading this book is helping me learn the power of boundaries.
Identifying a Need for Boundaries
My therapist told me, “Awareness is the first step towards change.”
I really felt that. I’m working on accepting that I cannot fix others or their lives. I am learning that their lives are a result of their choices. All I can do is plant seeds and be an example. This is especially difficult when I see my daughter making choices that will have negative impacts on her future. She’s twenty and trying to be an adult, but her impulses get in the way. No matter how much I lecture her, she is going to make purchases she doesn’t need, invest into people who don’t pour into her, and chase after men covered in red flags. It’s part of growing up, and I made some of those mistakes at her age, too. I am learning that I must have boundaries to strengthen our relationship. Otherwise, my tendency to try to “fix” things will break our relationship. Through this book, I see that setting boundaries does not make me a bad person. But, knowing and practicing are two different things. Let’s get into it.
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